Should You Break off Your Engagement or Not?

man putting engagement silver ring on woman hand, outdoor.
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As the clock ticks closer and closer to your big day, you likely feel it. The unsettling emotion of anxiousness and fear in what lies in your future. Experiencing doubt and panic is normal when preparing for a wedding. But when is it too much? Is your relationship just going through a bump, or is the engagement a wake-up call that it’s not meant to be?

Read on to see what you can do about those pre-wedding jitters.

Couples Counseling

If you have serious negative feelings, it’s best to consider relationship counseling. A couple, who finished counseling before they wed, shared that it was effective in helping them establish what they wanted out of their relationship. A professional can mediate emotional conversations that are hard to have. They can also get to the root of the problem without bias, which is impossible when it’s just you and your partner.

But counseling is not magic; it depends on you and your partner’s participation. It can only work when you’re both fully committed to it. You can’t attend a single session and expect that your problems are all solved.

Identify the Source of Your Cold Feet

Determine what has you feeling stressed or nervous about getting married. Is it about the permanence of marriage? Is it about the negative traits of your partner? If you’re scared of the fact that you’ll be tied to one person forever, think about the alternative. Will you feel all right if your partner ends up with someone else? If the answer is yes, maybe it’s time to call of the wedding. If you can’t stand your partner’s parents, tell your loved one how you feel.

Communicate that their mother or father makes you uncomfortable. If they immediately take their side without considering your feelings, it may be time to break it off. If they suggest solutions or compromise, your relationship is salvageable.

Know What Is Keeping You Engaged


If the only thing that’s keeping you from calling off the wedding is the bills, consider calling it off. An author has described the feeling of breaking off the wedding despite the cost as relief. You may save money now by going through the ceremony, but it’s not worth the emotional baggage later. It will also end up as a big expense later should you divorce. A survey has found that the average cost of divorce in Utah is $13,200.

If you think that your relationship still has potential, clear the air with your fiance. Perhaps you got engaged too soon to know each other’s good and bad sides. If you’ve never fought before, reflect why. No fights may indicate that both parties have checked out of the relationship.

On the other hand, your relationship may have aged that you no longer make each other feel special. Keep things from going dull and surprise each other with gifts or dates.

It’s a cliche, but it’s true: communication is the key to a healthy marriage. Whether you seek a counselor or not, what’s important is that you’ll be honest and open about your feelings. Remember that a relationship is a two-way street, where you both compromise.

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